How to Survive Divorce Without Anger and with Money in your Bank Account
(by Ronald Dobbs, edited by jjc)
There is no doubt that divorce is a messy business. Unfortunately, most couples do their best to make it even messier. Unlike a wedding, you will be going through a range of negative emotions during a divorce. It may seem as if there is no end in sight. That is what I found out after 18 years of marriage. My ex-wife decided to call it quits. She was ready to meet other people and start her new life as soon as she could. Even before we could sort out the whole mess, bills, debt, child custody with child support, she was ready to start a new life with a new man on the ruins of our relationship.
But divorce does not need to be too stressful. The divorcing couple may take a few steps back and look at the positives of the relationship: the good years they had, the travel they did together, the beautiful kids they brought to the world, and so many other memories. While the credit card debt and mortgage loans may not be all fun, the joy of buying a first home and a second one can be counted as pleasurable moments during the span of the marriage. No matter how soon the divorce takes place, joint decisions will have to be made if the divorcing couple had children.
In my own case, I have found it easier to have an amicable divorce by having a lawyer work out the terms of the divorce settlement. Dueling lawyers have a tendency to pit you against the parent of your kids. For the right fees, they are able to do anything you ask of them. While going through the charged emotions and anger, you may have cause more damage in a short time than in all of your years of being married. What any party should do is to concentrate on the positive and look at the larger picture. Disregard any third party such as a new partner or family member who may want to butt in. On some occasions, children may want to take sides and cause all kinds of trouble. The divorce is not happening between you and all these people. It is happening between you and your ex. Eventually, these people will get over it. They have no vested interests as the two of you do.
Be willing to divide the community property. Everything must be divided 50-50. Inheritance and large gifts will be exempt. If any of the parties have received some inheritance or some personal gifts, then they stay with the recipient. House, cars, and furniture can be equally divided.
Charged with negative emotions, most divorcing couples may want to resort to a sort of legal arms race. Avoid it at all course! In the end, it will hurt both of you. Accepting to negotiate a settlement is a much cheaper way to go about things. This way, more money will be left in your pocket.
What kind of attitudes to sport after the divorce?
Be ready to tackle and solve the issues. Use enough goodwill. Now that you are engaged in the raising of your kids, just know that you will someday need her to do you a favor. Be considerate and offer to help. By definition, you have the first right of refusal when it comes to childcare. Before your ex decides to drop the kids with a family member or friend, he/she must be offered the opportunity to have them. As much as possible, put the bad blood behind you. Focus on the kids who may go through their own range of emotions. Many issues will come up. You will have to deal with discipline, teenage romances, disappointing report cards, cell phone use, bills, curfews, illness and hospitalization. Conserve your energy to deal with those important issues.
Remember that no matter what you may have been told, going through a divorce is a life-changing event. Do not try to resist change. It must take place. All you have to do is to go with the flow. Now get ready to rebuild and get on with your life. After all, until you go through a divorce, you may never know that you can survive it. The range of emotions may cloud your mind for some time. Take some time off to figure out the constructive steps you must take from now on.
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